If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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