She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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