I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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