What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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