just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize