I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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