fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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