I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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