My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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