My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
