My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
