Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
