areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
