I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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