I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
