Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
