billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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