i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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