You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
