you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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