i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
