Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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