I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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