yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
