I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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