He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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