I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
