Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
