he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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