Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
