I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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