we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
