Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
