I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
