how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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