After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
