wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
