all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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