I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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