It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize