Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
