SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
