I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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