I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
