bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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