dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
