So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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