There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
