He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
