Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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