please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
