Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
