people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
