and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
