He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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