Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
