We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
