great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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