You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
