I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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