he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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