You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
