I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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