Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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