I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
