This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
