He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
