at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
