But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
