He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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