youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
