actually, I'm a sock model
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
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