I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I will be naked everywhere
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
